Tap. Tap. Tap
It had begun. She could hear the footsteps down the hall. She panicked, eyes searching the room frantically. Should she hide underneath the bed? Should she jump out the window? Please, not another night. She doubts her body could take any more.
Tap, tap, tap.
It was louder, closer and she felt the room get smaller. She crawled to the corner and used her pillow as a shield. As if somehow, it would transform to a cage that could not be unlocked from the outside or somehow the pillow will develop impenetrable wings of steel.
The house went silent and she saw the shadow close in from behind the door. She took a deep breath and the knob twisted. She pulled the pillow closer, eyes closed, praying for it all to go away. She felt his presence in the room, his footsteps approaching her “tap, tap, tap.” She began to shake and prayed silently for angels, if they existed, to swoop in and take her away.
“Will you stop that rubbish. Do you think I’m playing with you?” He scolded and she whimpered, never lowering down her shield. He dragged the pillow out of her arms with so much anger that he dragged her onto the ground.
“Get up jor,” He commanded, setting the pillow on the bed while he unbuckled his pants.
“Uncle please,” She begged, on her knees, night dressed soaked in tears.
“Which one is please here now? Am I flogging you? Just come and do what I’ve taught you how to do, you’re telling me, “uncle, please”. If I slap you-” He gestured his hand to imitate a backhanded slap.
She dragged herself off the ground, begging and crying. Her body shook and for a minute, he was disgusted by her appearance. But the thought of her on her knees, taking him in her mouth clouded this image. He pulled his pants down to reveal himself, in his horrid and despicable glory. He had a dirty smile on his face as he sat on the bed, stroking himself while he waited. His eyes tore off her clothes while he mentally experimented with the ways of expecting what he had planned tonight.
She contemplated running out of the room, but she knew she would not be able to make it past him. Where would she run to? Who would believe her? Had she not been abandoned by the same family that swore to protect her?
She stood in front of him, naked with nothing but cloaks of shame and fear. She stood there waiting, hoping that perhaps he would see that she was nothing more than a child, that hair remained only on her head and her breasts still hibernated beneath the thick walls of her chest. He had grown impatient and reached out to grab her by the neck. He pulled her closer till they were eye to eye.
“Come, do you think I’m here to play?” He asked, eyes blazing with anger. She shook her head frantically about to beg but as she opened her mouth to beg one more time. He grabbed the back of her head and shoved it down till her mouth had taken in all of him. She cried and gagged in pain because of the thing poking the back of her throat. But somehow he had grown deaf and the room was filled with his laughter and moans.
“Remember how I taught you, take it slow and no teeth,” He said.
No teeth. She remembered. One time she had bitten him and he had taken her across his thighs almost immediately and wiped her bare bum with the metal buckle of his leather belt. He had then proceeded to shove things, indescribable things, inhumane things between her legs. Never again would she use teeth.
She did it how he liked it this time till he grew bored. He shoved her off and got up. He gestured for her to lie on the bed and she obliged. She lay still, closed her eyes and waited for it to end. She chose to stay numb to the pain on the inside and on the outside.
But one always overpowered the other and it usually came from the inside. It was an insufferable pain because, with every thrust and grunt, all she saw was her soul being plunged deeper into a room of shadows. Every night as he lay on top of her, she saw hope and freedom get further away as she gets sucked into the life that was chosen for her.
Photo credit: Mariella Furrer